High school seniors often walk a fine line between satisfying parents (who also might be footing the bill for college education) and practicing autonomy by making the decisions that will shape their future. How can you, as a student, make the most enlightened decision for yourself while maintaining family harmony?
Practice active listening.
Above all else, your parents want to be heard. Set aside a mutually agreed upon time to “talk college” and avoid distractions. Really listen to your parents’ opinions. Paraphrase. Nod. This does in no way mean you agree with said opinions, but that you acknowledge and respect those opinions and that they weigh heavily on your decision-making.
Put it in writing.
Jot down for your parents some of your biggest goals for your future and some expectations about the colleges you choose. This will go a long way in establishing that you do, indeed, have a plan. In fact, the more specific you can be, the better (I like X College because of Y and Z). For most parents, there is no quicker way to induce hyperventilation than to shrug and say, “I dunno.”
Get your A-game on.
Be the point-man for all admissions-related appointments and deadlines. Have a question about the application? You should make the call to the admissions officer. Admissions officers often lament parents use of the pronoun “we” to describe parts of the college application process (As in “we’ve filled out the Common App already.”) Fight this by becoming family “team captain” for the admissions process. Be the first person to shake the admission counselor’s hand and introduce your parents, not the other way around.
Find a way to contribute financially.
Let’s say you are on a date to a fancy restaurant and you have both had a lovely time. When the bill comes and you slide it to your side of the table, your date does not even blink an eye, never offering to split the bill or even leave a tip. They never even say thank you! Even if you never had any intention of letting your date pay any portion of the bill, you might still feel a little annoyed. Now, imagine the bill amounts to thousands and thousands of dollars and YOU are the ungrateful date. That’s what paying for college can feel like to some parents.
Even if you are among the luckier applicants whose parents are able and willing to pay for their college education, make an effort to demonstrate your appreciation. Say “thank you.” A little note conveying that sentiment can go a long, long, way. If possible, offer to contribute in a manageable way. For instance, say your parents cover tuition as well as room and board. Step up and offer to pay for your books. If you can’t contribute, practice the same fiscal responsibility with your parents’ funds as you would your own. Buy used textbooks from Amazon instead of the bookstore. Buy the Target jersey cotton Twin XL sheets instead of the 500 thread count Pima cotton ones.
Make time for fun times.
Regardless of how anxious you are to step out on your own, there are many things you will later miss about this phase of your life. Enjoy your last days at home, living with your parents and cruising around your hometown. Make time to hang out with your parents with the mutual understanding that college talk be put aside to focus on just enjoying one another’s company. After all, college lasts four years (see our Centre Commitment) but your relationship with your parents lasts a lifetime.
